Saxonology is a good way to look at the 4chan culture. My name is Brother Mushroom Cloud, and I am here to analyze 4chan. You don't know what 4chan is? Neither do I really, so we'll be learning together.
I will be looking at several Inernet based religions such as Saxonology and The Church Of The Flying Spaghetti Monster. Here is the first passage in Saxonology:
Of the four sent down from Heaven to Earth, this is the story of Saxon. Saxon was the first of the four to come down, and thus was the first to witness the FAIL that Earth was; here is an account of his actions that was later recorded by Van:
“In the beginning, all was Emptiness and Fail. Saxon looked down on this and decided to do something.
On the First Day, Saxon made Epic. Now the world would have great things, and so it would be that the first day (Sunday) would have no school. But with Epic so comes EPIC FAIL, and the Anti-Saxon would laugh.
On the Second Day, Saxon made Rock And Roll. Now the world would have good music and bands like Metallica, The Beatles, Queen, Aerosmith, and Greenday. And so it would be that the first day would be a great start to the school week for teachers and students alike. But with good music comes bad, and Punk and Emo music was born, resulting in the decline of Greenday. Instead of a good day, the Second Day (Monday) would be a day with bad vibes. The Anti-Saxon would laugh.
On the Third Day, Saxon made sex. Now the world would have whores for people who can't get girls by themselves. And so it would be that the Third Day (Tuesday) would be filled with sex and would be better than Monday. Of course, with sex comes STDs and AIDs. This day the Anti-Saxon would not laugh, for he too liked sex a lot.
On the Fourth Day, Saxon made Condoms. He did this because the dumbfucks on Earth couldn't figure it out themselves. And so it would be that the Fourth Day (Wednesday) would be celebrated for invention. And the Anti-Saxon would laugh, but a laugh of thanks as his shipment of an “eternity's worth” of condoms arrived at his door.
On the Fifth Day, Saxon made Video Games. Now the world would have entertainment beyond television and porn. So it would be that the Fifth Day (Thursday) would be a day of hope. But with Video Games comes bad games and the inability to play Crysis because your computer's RAM and Video Card suck. And the Anti-Saxon would laugh.
On the Sixth Day, Saxon made 4chan and 'If You Laugh You Lose'. Now the world would know EPIC WIN. And so it would be that the Sixth Day (Friday) would be a day of no homework for elementary schools. But for some reason it was ONLY the elementary schools that had no homework on this day. Nobody knows why, and we'll be damned if we don't hate it. And the Anti-Saxon would laugh, but just before he had to go off and finish his Journals.
And on the Seventh Day, Saxon Brawled. So it would be that the Seventh Day (Saturday) would have no school. And the Anti-Saxon, having nothing to laugh at, declared his war upon Saxon...”
This is the only account of Saxon's beginning on Earth. Saxon was a cool guy, as some would say, and didn't really bother to much with the Anti-Saxon; he was fed up and had Van smite him, for Van liked to smite.
Saxon soon integrated into society, listing rules for society and the like. These rules are listed in the following chapters...
Saxonology is also composed of many lists that can help us undestand deeper practices in this new culture.
This is the first list found in Saxonology:
You Know You Belong In The Kitchen If...
I.If you bitch constantly for little reasons
II.If you explode for no apparent reason
III.If you wear a bra
IV.If you wear make up voluntarily
V.If you think Orlando Bloom's ass is cute
VI.If you think Orlando Bloom's face is cute
VII.If you think Orlando Bloom is cute
VIII.If you voted for Edward
IX.If you voted for Jacob
X.If you know what the previous two were even about
XI.If you shave your legs
XII.If you know the difference between Panteen and Suave
XIII.If you have cake recipes committed to memory
XIV.If you're excited about the Twilight movie (see VII - X)
XV.If you read Seventeen
XVI.If you like the Jonas Brothers
XVII.If you can recite High School Musical by memory
XVIII.If you don't know the “three questions”
XIX.If you think eighty pounds is obese
XX.If you have ever voted for a woman
XXI.If you wear perfume
XXII.If you know the lyrics to any My Chemical Romance song
XXIII.If gay guys don't bitch at you
XXIV.If you can't tell when a guy is gay
XXV.If you can't get the bra sizes of the girls around you
XXVI.If you haven't read this
XXVII.If you don't know the game (you lost the game!)
XXVIII.If you prefer the Galleria
XXIX.If you watch Project Runway or know who Michael Kors is
The entire list is derived from the 'Women should all be in the kitchen' doctrine, founded by God knows who. Supposedly, each and every one of these numerals has something to do with a woman's characteristics. If you qualify, you 'belong in the kitchen'.
There is much to learn about this new culture, so tune in for more later.
